This is one of the most common questions I get, and I love sharing my experiences from my own healing journey. Sexual shame and trauma can be buried very deeply rooted in our subconscious, and I want to emphasize that healing your sexuality and claiming your erotic power is a holistic and multi-faceted process, that can take months and even years. This is my personal process, and yours may not look the same. While pole dancing makes me feel like a sex goddess, maybe pole dancing makes you feel awkward- but you have always wanted to do an erotic photo shoot because it helps you connect to your sensuality. Do whatever makes you feel sexy, empowered, and seen.
Engaging in Kink & BDSM has been the most important part of healing my sexual trauma. However, when I first began exploring my kinky side with others, I was usually a triggered mess afterwards. Kink & BDSM would touch upon areas of my sexual abuse that would simultaneously trigger and arouse me, and because I did not have the tools to understand this at the time, I would end up feeling very dissociated after these experiences. It was not until I had stumbled through a few of these experiences, learned my boundaries, and gained some vocabulary around my turn-ons and desire that I was able to create a narrative that allows space for me to eroticize my trauma, and shift it into something that feels very empowering and healing for me.
-Are there any aspects of your sexual trauma or past that you feel turned on by? Even if it was non-consensual and triggers deep shame?
-How could you shift this narrative to empower you?
*Remember that you are creating a container to consciously explore this for healing. Consider hiring a professional or find a partner that will be supportive of tears, trigger, and emotional release. It’s also worth noting that I did this practice alongside EMDR trauma re-processing therapy.*
Pole dancing and erotic dance changed the way I fuck forever. Seriously. I attended my first pole dancing class after a breakup, and needed a physical activity to get myself out of a rut. I had not worked out regularly in a few years, and honestly just wanted to feel sexy. Growing up and watching porn, I thought the only way to fuck was as hard as possible in ridiculous positions- and not so surprisingly I was never able to have an orgasm. I turned to kink because vanilla sex felt so boring and performative that I thought I needed something more intense. What I actually needed was a sensual practice that connected me to my body, instead of experiences that caused me to dissociate further from my body. Pole dancing saved sex for me, and taught me how to grind, how to connect to my sensuality and pussy, and how to engage in a pleasurable activity that was just for me.
–I recommend a daily erotic practice! Some other practices that can help with this are erotic photoshoots that make you feel sexy, daily affirmations and gentle exercises that create a connection with your pussy or cock. (I’m creating an online class on this, so stay tuned!)
Sex Magick was something I have been practicing on my own for a while, but I always did it for manifestation. Whenever I wanted more money, or to attract love, I would dedicate my orgasmic energy to what I was trying to attract. This is a great way to use your orgasmic energy, but certainly not the only way. I realized as I was practicing Sex Magick, I was always drawing my energy away from my body, and it was not until I started drawing that energy *in* to my body that I experienced deep shifts around healing my relationship to my pussy. Due to patriarchal conditioning, I was raised to believe that because I had many sexual partners in the past, my pussy was somehow “dirty” or “loose”. These toxic thoughts leaked over into my body and I was unable to have vaginal orgasms, did not enjoy oral sex, and honestly felt pretty numb in my pussy. Using Sex Magick and an obsidian wand from Chakrubs, I created a ritual that channeled all of my negative and traumatic experiences from my pussy into the dildo. I did this practice as many times as I needed, and each time experienced deep emotional release. Now I just energetically cleanse my pussy as needed, but this is an ongoing practice!
-A great way to bring Sex Magick into your life is through meditation! There are some great options on Youtube for this. I also recommend getting an obsidian wand or plug to use only for healing. Obsidian is one of the ultimate cleansing and protector stones. Great for clearing old energy out of the womb, ovaries, and root chakras.
Community & Support
Although this one is listed at the end, it is the foundation that holds all of these practices together. I would not have been able to experience the deep transformations that I listed above without the guidance and support of others. This includes mentors, friends, lovers, and communities that I found through the internet. To be truly seen and accepted by others while embodying your Erotic Power is fundamental to not just sexual healing, but also mind-blowing orgasms, and a more fulfilling life. It was though my experiences with others that I was able to process my sexual trauma, and gained the vocabulary to ask for what I want.
This is also what I bring to my clients: support and practices to help you fully embody your Erotic Power, and use it to heal your wounds and manifest your desires. My journey took me years, but yours does not have to! With the right tools and support, I can help you express your inner Sex Witch through my Sacred Erotic Mentorship program. This program consists of three parts and differs based on your own unique sexual blueprint. We begin with practices to heal your shame and trauma, then we dive into your desires, and together we create a ritual that helps you embody your Erotic Power.